Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
