I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
