Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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