Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
