Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
