remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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