She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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