good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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