she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
