My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
