i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
