My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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