She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
