NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
