Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
