I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
