A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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