at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
