Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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