dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
