Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
