she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
