i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
