Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
