It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
