I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
