he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
