if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
