I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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