sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
