He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
