i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i dont even know how to be here
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
