I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
