everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
