I must be too annoying 4 u.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
