Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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