Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you still have your period?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
