please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
