He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
