Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
