Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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