so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
