Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
