I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
