Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
