You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
