listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
