Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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