my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
