Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
